This evening marks the landfall of Hurricane Sandy. I'm sitting in bed, having just finished spending over an hour sending cold-call emails to potential interviewees for an article I'm working on. Half of the emails have already returned with either "undeliverable" messages or "out of office" messages. Grr.
However, as I'm working I get the privilege of hearing Hurricane Sandy knocking at my windows. She's picking up speed and the wind sounds like it's in the process of yanking the siding off. Downstairs, the husband and visiting dad and brother are watching a Star Trek movie. Loudly. So, occasionally I can't tell the difference between ray guns, cosmic explosions, and wind damage.
But we did have an epic dinner earlier of frozen pizza, run 'n coke, and chocolate chip cookies. During said dinner, we clinked our glasses in a toast to Sandy since she gave us a reason to flush good nutrition down the toilet and the entertainment of watching the meteorologists on the Weather Channel grow more manic by the minute.
Anyway, this relates in no way to veterinary medicine or writing. I'm actually having a tough time connecting writing or vet med to the topic of hurricanes, which is weird for me, considering I usually have no trouble at all bringing in some random vet med fact into any conversation. ("Oh, the S&P 500 is down today? Well, that reminds me of this time I lanced a huge abscess on this goat's neck...") In fact, when I cheat and Google "writing during hurricane", I only get hits related to the Bob Dylan song "Hurricane" (which actually is about a boxer, not a meteorological event) and printable hurricane materials for young readers (looks sort of fun, actually). So.
After a little more searching, I have come across a somewhat fascinating scientific article titled, "Writing on the Plywood: Toward an Analysis of Hurricane Graffiti", by Derek Alderman and Heather Ward, from the Dept of Geography at East Carolina University and Coastal Resources Management Program, both in Greenville, North Carolina in the journal Coastal Management, 35:1-18, 2008. The authors state in the abstract, "People often paint graffiti-like messages on the plywood used in to cover windows and doors during a hurricane. The content of these landscape inscriptions ranges from practical information to deeper expressions of emotion and beliefs. Hurricane graffiti is an under-analyzed yet potentially useful indicator of the range of psychological needs, social tensions, and environmental attitudes circulating within coastal communities." Well. Never in my life would I imagine sitting around in my PJs reading an article from Coastal Management. This calls for more pizza, rum 'n coke, and cookies.
Monday, October 29, 2012
Saturday, October 20, 2012
Personality Test
The other day at work I took the Myers-Briggs test. Well, they say it's not a "test". They kept calling it an "instrument" since there are no right or wrong answers in the thing, therefore making it not a test. Well. Anyway, my results indicate I am what is classified as an ISTJ. This stands for Introverted, Sensing, Thinking, and Judging. Basically, it makes me sound like an asshole.
The results weren't a surprise to me. I've taken the test, sorry, instrument during freshmen year of vet school and I remember then I was also classified as an introvert, although I couldn't remember the other three categories. What surprised me was my extremeness in a few of the categories. I am EXTREMELY introverted and EXTREMELY judging. This makes me sound like even more of an asshole.
This got me wondering. I am engaged in two different professions: veterinary medicine and writing. Sometimes these professions cross, like when I write articles about canine cognitive dysfunction, and sometimes they don't, like when I make another fruitless attempt at a novel. How does an ISTJ personality fit with each profession?
An interesting blog from Banfield, the Pet Hospital (2010) states the traditional vet personality is the ISTJ/ESTJ - either introverted or extroverted individuals who would rather analyze data, make lists, stick to schedules. However, more recent polls of new grads indicate more I/ESFJs - these are the more feel-y type people, being more influenced by feelings than logic and data.
I can understand ISTJs in the veterinary workforce. We want to look at bloodwork, analyze glucose values of a diabetic cat, make decisions on antibiotic therapy based on cultures, wound contamination, and owner compliance. We like our scheduled exams and the fact that we can make decisions on our own.
But, what about writing? I have always felt that no matter what kind of writing you do, except maybe grant proposals or really technical writing, like drafting a manual on the construction of carburetors, there is creativity involved. And if there's something that doesn't fit well with an ISTJ, it seems to be creativity.
Reading about this further, though, it seems I'm thinking about this in the wrong way. It's not that ISTJs can't be creative. Rather, it's more about how they go about being creative. In a blog about writer personalities, Andrea Wenger writes that ISTJs are efficient writers. We ISTJ-ers prefer writing about demonstrable facts and usually have a set writing plan (guilty as charged). Maybe this is why NaNoWriMo appeals to me: give me a plan, force my hand with a deadline, and (theoretically) I'm off and running. Now to put theory into practice....
I'm curious about other writers out there - do you know your Myers-Briggs' personality type? If so, do your writing habits match what your personality type indicates?
The results weren't a surprise to me. I've taken the test, sorry, instrument during freshmen year of vet school and I remember then I was also classified as an introvert, although I couldn't remember the other three categories. What surprised me was my extremeness in a few of the categories. I am EXTREMELY introverted and EXTREMELY judging. This makes me sound like even more of an asshole.
This got me wondering. I am engaged in two different professions: veterinary medicine and writing. Sometimes these professions cross, like when I write articles about canine cognitive dysfunction, and sometimes they don't, like when I make another fruitless attempt at a novel. How does an ISTJ personality fit with each profession?
An interesting blog from Banfield, the Pet Hospital (2010) states the traditional vet personality is the ISTJ/ESTJ - either introverted or extroverted individuals who would rather analyze data, make lists, stick to schedules. However, more recent polls of new grads indicate more I/ESFJs - these are the more feel-y type people, being more influenced by feelings than logic and data.
 |
| Excuse me while I get my science on |
But, what about writing? I have always felt that no matter what kind of writing you do, except maybe grant proposals or really technical writing, like drafting a manual on the construction of carburetors, there is creativity involved. And if there's something that doesn't fit well with an ISTJ, it seems to be creativity.
Reading about this further, though, it seems I'm thinking about this in the wrong way. It's not that ISTJs can't be creative. Rather, it's more about how they go about being creative. In a blog about writer personalities, Andrea Wenger writes that ISTJs are efficient writers. We ISTJ-ers prefer writing about demonstrable facts and usually have a set writing plan (guilty as charged). Maybe this is why NaNoWriMo appeals to me: give me a plan, force my hand with a deadline, and (theoretically) I'm off and running. Now to put theory into practice....
I'm curious about other writers out there - do you know your Myers-Briggs' personality type? If so, do your writing habits match what your personality type indicates?
Monday, October 15, 2012
How to Make Editors Like You
Hopefully there will come a time in your freelance writing career when you begin to develop relationships with editors. For clarity: professional relationships, not elicit ones. That's just not fair. One goal of most freelancers is for editors to start coming to them with ideas so the freelancer doesn't spend all of his/her time writing queries that may or may not even generate interest (see last week's post on getting your dog to write your query letters).
Yes, the best way to get editors to start asking you for articles, stories, whatever it is that you're writing, is to actually write good, er, well. Funnily enough, however, writing well may only get you so far if the rest of your package (your professional skills, nothing else - why is this post sounding more and more perverted?) is unprofessional. In short, it doesn't matter if you're the next Hemingway or Pulitzer journalist if you can't meet deadlines and are a general jerk to deal with. People just don't put up with that crap, especially if you're new to the publication.
Here are some quick tips on how to make your editors like you:
1. Follow up on your promises.
If you say you'll find some awesome photographs to go with your fascinating article on sarcoid skin tumors in horses, get those pictures. If you say you'll be able to get three professional sources for your article on how to house-train your miniature horse, then do it. Broken promises from writers disappoint and mislead people and greatly shake your credibility as a writer. They make editors wonder: if she can't get <whatever it is you failed to deliver>, is she really going to deliver the article?
2. Respond in a timely manner.
Freelancing is a business and should be treated as such. Respond to questions in a timely, courteous, succinct manner. Avoid social media vernacular such as "LOL" and "U". Sound professional - an email response is still a writing sample. This doesn't mean spend hours crafting a response to a "Do you think you could write this by Monday" type of question. It does mean proofread at least once and also make sure you're actually answering the question that was asked. Writer availability is a great asset. If an editor has to choose between two writers and the only difference between them is Writer A always answers her emails and Writer B is just impossible to get in touch with, Writer A's got the job, no contest.
3. Be honest.
Yes, in a query letter or in an elevator speech you need to make yourself sound good. But, like, not necessarily Pulitzer Prize-winning good. Unless of course you've actually won one. Then, yes, you should probably mention that. But for the rest of us, be honest about the nitty-gritty. This means your experience (writing and real-world job, hobbies, etc.), your credentials, your writing abilities, and your time commitments.
4. Don't over-sell yourself.
This sort of ties in with #3 above. Basically, if you've agreed to write a 5000 word essay on the intricate workings of the NYSE, you better deliver. It's tempting in a query to over-inflate an article idea and if you can get an interview with the President, well, good for you! Just keep in mind that you'll be creating a lot of stress for yourself if you really don't know that much about the NYSE, or the President.
5. Treat all publications equally.
Writers know not every magazine or website or literary journal has the best readership or nicest staff or most efficient payroll, but do not play favorites. As you are starting off as a freelancer, every publication that pays you (and is reputable and fits your writing goals, etc. etc.) should be treated equally and professionally by you. Every piece of work you turn in to an editor should shine. It's especially tempting to get sloppy with web writing, perhaps because usually it's viewed as a less-formal format than print publications, but it's still your writing being showcased. If you find yourself repeatedly slouching on the job for a particular publication, stop working for them. It's clear you don't enjoy the work so don't waste your time. Focus on other publications or projects instead.
Yes, the best way to get editors to start asking you for articles, stories, whatever it is that you're writing, is to actually write good, er, well. Funnily enough, however, writing well may only get you so far if the rest of your package (your professional skills, nothing else - why is this post sounding more and more perverted?) is unprofessional. In short, it doesn't matter if you're the next Hemingway or Pulitzer journalist if you can't meet deadlines and are a general jerk to deal with. People just don't put up with that crap, especially if you're new to the publication.
Here are some quick tips on how to make your editors like you:
1. Follow up on your promises.
If you say you'll find some awesome photographs to go with your fascinating article on sarcoid skin tumors in horses, get those pictures. If you say you'll be able to get three professional sources for your article on how to house-train your miniature horse, then do it. Broken promises from writers disappoint and mislead people and greatly shake your credibility as a writer. They make editors wonder: if she can't get <whatever it is you failed to deliver>, is she really going to deliver the article?
2. Respond in a timely manner.
Freelancing is a business and should be treated as such. Respond to questions in a timely, courteous, succinct manner. Avoid social media vernacular such as "LOL" and "U". Sound professional - an email response is still a writing sample. This doesn't mean spend hours crafting a response to a "Do you think you could write this by Monday" type of question. It does mean proofread at least once and also make sure you're actually answering the question that was asked. Writer availability is a great asset. If an editor has to choose between two writers and the only difference between them is Writer A always answers her emails and Writer B is just impossible to get in touch with, Writer A's got the job, no contest.
3. Be honest.
Yes, in a query letter or in an elevator speech you need to make yourself sound good. But, like, not necessarily Pulitzer Prize-winning good. Unless of course you've actually won one. Then, yes, you should probably mention that. But for the rest of us, be honest about the nitty-gritty. This means your experience (writing and real-world job, hobbies, etc.), your credentials, your writing abilities, and your time commitments.
4. Don't over-sell yourself.
This sort of ties in with #3 above. Basically, if you've agreed to write a 5000 word essay on the intricate workings of the NYSE, you better deliver. It's tempting in a query to over-inflate an article idea and if you can get an interview with the President, well, good for you! Just keep in mind that you'll be creating a lot of stress for yourself if you really don't know that much about the NYSE, or the President.
5. Treat all publications equally.
Writers know not every magazine or website or literary journal has the best readership or nicest staff or most efficient payroll, but do not play favorites. As you are starting off as a freelancer, every publication that pays you (and is reputable and fits your writing goals, etc. etc.) should be treated equally and professionally by you. Every piece of work you turn in to an editor should shine. It's especially tempting to get sloppy with web writing, perhaps because usually it's viewed as a less-formal format than print publications, but it's still your writing being showcased. If you find yourself repeatedly slouching on the job for a particular publication, stop working for them. It's clear you don't enjoy the work so don't waste your time. Focus on other publications or projects instead.
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
If you gave a dog a query letter...
I don't think there's a writer out there who enjoys crafting a query letter. If you know one, send him my way. I'd like to shake his hand and then submit him for psychological testing.
Depending on the project, the query may take as much time or longer than the actual writing for the project did. I know this was my case when I first started freelancing articles to magazines. Writing one thousand words telling readers why their pets benefit from annual wellness exams? No problemo. Writing three-hundred words telling editors why my one thousand words are pure gold? Ug.
However, in the freelance business, queries are a necessary evil. They are your foot in the door, your chance to sell yourself.
Still, wouldn't it be nice to have someone else do this dirty work for you? I don't have a secretary, an assistant, or even someone to take in my laundry. But I do have pets. Which got me thinking: if I could get my dog or one of my cats to write my query letters, how would that turn out?
Dog's Query Letter:
Dear Missus Editor,
Hi. I just wrote something that I think you will think is great. It's sort of long and exciting, with a little sadness in the middle, but then happiness comes in again and the end is really good. There are people in the book and a dog. The people sometimes interact with the dog, but not too much. This creates drama. There is also food in the story. Lots of food. And outside. And walking. But no squirrels. Or cats. Which is why the story is sort of sad (no squirrels) but really great (no cats).
I think the genre is fiction, but you can tell me what you think. Also I think you'll like the dog character a lot.
I really really really hope you will love my book as much as I love my book. You can call me any time and I'll answer. Ask me anything you want.
I can't wait to meet you!
Your new best friend,
*paw print*
Cat's Query Letter:
Attention Editor:
This is merely a formality. I am submitting this article for publication in your magazine. I am fine with North American rights and would like twenty copies of the magazine before it hits the shelves. If you request, I can return one autographed copy to you.
If you must know details, the article is roughly 2000 words and includes tips on how to keep your cat well-fed and entertained. I realize your word limit on features is only 1000 but I simply could not cut anything out. Every word is pure gold.
If you need to contact me to negotiate payment, I'll be on the couch, or, if it's in the afternoon, in the west-facing window.
Sincerely,
*paw print*
Depending on the project, the query may take as much time or longer than the actual writing for the project did. I know this was my case when I first started freelancing articles to magazines. Writing one thousand words telling readers why their pets benefit from annual wellness exams? No problemo. Writing three-hundred words telling editors why my one thousand words are pure gold? Ug.
 |
| The query process can be quite painful |
However, in the freelance business, queries are a necessary evil. They are your foot in the door, your chance to sell yourself.
Still, wouldn't it be nice to have someone else do this dirty work for you? I don't have a secretary, an assistant, or even someone to take in my laundry. But I do have pets. Which got me thinking: if I could get my dog or one of my cats to write my query letters, how would that turn out?
Dog's Query Letter:
Dear Missus Editor,
Hi. I just wrote something that I think you will think is great. It's sort of long and exciting, with a little sadness in the middle, but then happiness comes in again and the end is really good. There are people in the book and a dog. The people sometimes interact with the dog, but not too much. This creates drama. There is also food in the story. Lots of food. And outside. And walking. But no squirrels. Or cats. Which is why the story is sort of sad (no squirrels) but really great (no cats).
I think the genre is fiction, but you can tell me what you think. Also I think you'll like the dog character a lot.
I really really really hope you will love my book as much as I love my book. You can call me any time and I'll answer. Ask me anything you want.
I can't wait to meet you!
Your new best friend,
*paw print*
Cat's Query Letter:
Attention Editor:
This is merely a formality. I am submitting this article for publication in your magazine. I am fine with North American rights and would like twenty copies of the magazine before it hits the shelves. If you request, I can return one autographed copy to you.
If you must know details, the article is roughly 2000 words and includes tips on how to keep your cat well-fed and entertained. I realize your word limit on features is only 1000 but I simply could not cut anything out. Every word is pure gold.
If you need to contact me to negotiate payment, I'll be on the couch, or, if it's in the afternoon, in the west-facing window.
Sincerely,
*paw print*
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
Wormy Wednesday!
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| How embarrassing - my posterior bulb is showing! |
Named because the female pinworm has a distinctive long, pin-like tail, this parasite resides primarily in the colon of horses. The female adult worms the migrate to the rectum of the horse to lay their eggs. This creates a stick white-yellow paste around the perianal region of the infected horse. Understandably, this is itchy and pinworm-infected horses characteristically rub their tails on stall doors and fence posts, subsequently breaking tail hairs. Rarely a pinworm-infected horse suffers from clinically significant health problems other than broken tail hair.
Monday, October 1, 2012
Trials in Toastmasters
So, last Thursday night, I competed in a speaking contest within my local Toastmasters Club. I won first place and got a freaking trophy. Let's take a step back for a moment and examine this more thoroughly. Firstly, I HATE public speaking. That's why I'm torturing myself with this club. You know, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger sort of thing. I'm so bad at public speaking that the very first appointment I ever had when I graduated from vet school, which was me talking ONE ON ONE with a client about how to synchronize estrus in his heifers for artificial insemination, I was SHAKING. And had to look at NOTES. Really?! It's that bad. Sort of like:
Secondly, I've never won anything in my entire life. ANYTHING. I usually come in dead last at any competition I partake in. Here's an example: in high school I entered my first (and last) horse show. Wimpy (my beloved 25 year old gray Connemara gelding) and I came in last in the Family Horse competition AND in every single race in the gymkhana. DEAD LAST!
So let's just say it was a surprise, nay, a shock when the Contest Master (yes, that's what the role is called) announced my name as the winner of the Table Topics competition.
A brief sidebar on the intricate workings of Toastmasters: Table Topics is a part of every Toastmaster meeting where the Table Topics Master asks members a question and the individual called upon has 1 to 2 minutes to stand up in front of everyone and give an answer. This exercise is supposed to strengthen your ability at impromptu speaking and thinking on your feet. It really just gives me nervous bowels. Every fall, our local Toastmasters area, division, and district hold a Table Topics contest. At this contest, all contestants get the same question. Participants are held in a side room until it is their turn to answer the question, so that way they can't hear what the other contestants gave as answers.
Anywho, there were five contestants at the competition last Thursday night. We randomly picked numbers to determine the speaking order. Naturally, I picked number five. We were then led to a back conference room to wait our turn. One by one, the other contestants were led out until I was alone. I paced along the meeting table and then when that grew boring, took the liberty of writing mystery messages on the white board in green marker. Then it was show time.
The question was: "Your life is being turned into a play. You will play the hero. Who do you pick to play the villain, and why?"
My answer? The villain of my life's play would most certainly be my cat Tuna. He is the bane of my existence and would make the perfect, unsuspecting evil nemesis lurking in my own home no less, in my life's play. Naturally, I can't remember exactly what I said, how I said it, or even if I remembered to breathe or blink. I do remember getting a few laughs, which I always think is a good thing. And the nervous bowels were held under control. Another good thing. And then I was done. My two minutes of glory. Being the last to go, I had no idea what the other contestants said. But apparently what they said wasn't good enough. Mwahahaha.
Now I've qualified to compete at the Division level. This is starting to sound like a swim meet or something. The next contest is Sunday, Oct 21. The nice thing about Table Topics is there's nothing to prepare. You have no clue what the question will be, so why worry? Maybe that's the secret, the key to becoming The Glorious World Champion Table Topics Winner. It's a sort of fly by the seat of your pants type of thing. I'm normally not one who likes to fly around in such a way, but hey, when in Toastmasters.... I'll keep you posted as to how events unfold on Oct. 21. Stay tuned!
 |
| Wimpy and I, circa 1999. This is BEFORE we were last in every class we entered. Note I still have hope in my eyes. Looks like Wimpy knows what's coming. |
A brief sidebar on the intricate workings of Toastmasters: Table Topics is a part of every Toastmaster meeting where the Table Topics Master asks members a question and the individual called upon has 1 to 2 minutes to stand up in front of everyone and give an answer. This exercise is supposed to strengthen your ability at impromptu speaking and thinking on your feet. It really just gives me nervous bowels. Every fall, our local Toastmasters area, division, and district hold a Table Topics contest. At this contest, all contestants get the same question. Participants are held in a side room until it is their turn to answer the question, so that way they can't hear what the other contestants gave as answers.
Anywho, there were five contestants at the competition last Thursday night. We randomly picked numbers to determine the speaking order. Naturally, I picked number five. We were then led to a back conference room to wait our turn. One by one, the other contestants were led out until I was alone. I paced along the meeting table and then when that grew boring, took the liberty of writing mystery messages on the white board in green marker. Then it was show time.
The question was: "Your life is being turned into a play. You will play the hero. Who do you pick to play the villain, and why?"
 |
| Tuna: evil in fuzzy cat form. |
Now I've qualified to compete at the Division level. This is starting to sound like a swim meet or something. The next contest is Sunday, Oct 21. The nice thing about Table Topics is there's nothing to prepare. You have no clue what the question will be, so why worry? Maybe that's the secret, the key to becoming The Glorious World Champion Table Topics Winner. It's a sort of fly by the seat of your pants type of thing. I'm normally not one who likes to fly around in such a way, but hey, when in Toastmasters.... I'll keep you posted as to how events unfold on Oct. 21. Stay tuned!
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