Push on through

I'm having a hard time writing tonight.  With the events in Boston yesterday, I cannot concentrate.  If you follow this blog, you know that I completed my very first marathon exactly one month ago today, so what happened at the Boston Marathon yesterday seems fresh, like something I can relate to.  In fact, it seems like something a lot of people can relate to. 

So, I tried to start a blog on how there's more than one way to write a query, just like there's more than one way to castrate a dog.  But, sorry, my heart's not in it. I feel disingenuous writing something so trite and mundane today.  Stay tuned for that in a week or something. 

I just feel sad.  A deep sad that's just sort of hanging around in my guts. 

But, people are saying there's a lot of good that's coming out of this.  People much more eloquent than I are able to bring positive thoughts to such a negative thing.  Like Patton Oswalt's Facebook note.  Or the silent run in Miami tonight to show support.  The runnersworld site has a large list of other tribute runs going on this weekend and other events to show support.  I'll be closely watching the DC running scene to see if anything similar pops up around here.  These things make me feel a little bit better.

So I will continue to watch the news as the investigation unfolds.  And I will continue to run, since I have a half marathon coming up in two weeks.  And I will have to get my head back in the game, since there are deadlines and real work that needs to be attended to.  And most of all, I will read the columns of Bostonians such as Scot Lehigh of the Boston Globe that show how tough, determined, and resilient these people are.  And we will push on through. 

The Heat of Competition

Now that the Epic Journey to the Marathon is over (whew), I can take a step back and concentrate on things I love more than torturing myself, like chocolate, puppies, writing, and torturing my husband.

Puppies are better than running a marathon

Chocolate cake is also better than running a marathon

So, I'm writing more regularly again and helping my husband train for a half marathon.  However, a curious thing is happening.  My husband is running almost as fast as I am.  Sometimes faster.  And I find this totally unacceptable.

I do not normally classify myself as a competitive person.  But deep down, I think I am.  I suspect a lot of people in the medical profession drift toward the Type A personality and tend to be at least a little competitive.  I recall in vet school being conscious of classmates' test scores and surgical skills to a sometimes acute degree.  But I also know, on some other level of my brain that apparently does not communicate with the competitive level, that this is a totally unhealthy way of evaluating and comparing oneself.  The same goes with writing.

I read a lot about people who find themselves jealous of other writers' success.  Since I don't know anyone personally who is a best-selling author or literary smash, I can't say I've had any of those feelings personally, but I can certainly understand them.  While you are toiling away bleeding your poor fingers to nubs on the keyboard trying to punch out the next best American novel (or YA series or encyclopedia of horses or historical sci-fi soap opera) someone just (overnight it seems) won the Pulitzer and Opera's Book Club in the same week!  No fair!!!!

Ah, but it seems to me that like life, all in writing is not fair.  Or is it: all's fair in love and war?  I don't know - find some quote about life being unfair and that'll do.

There's a lot out there on the internet about the topic of writer's jealousy so I take it this is a fairly common feeling.  Noelle Sterne wrote a very good blog on How to Conquer Jealousy that offers sage advice and good tips.  Author Robin Black also shares her personal experiences with the green-eyed monster.  But there's also a different side of the coin here.  If you're too jealous too much of the time, doesn't that just make you a jerk?  The awesome literary online mag The Rumpus explores this concept point-blank in the Dear Sugar column.  Good reading.

But wait.  There's a difference between being a competitive writer and being a jealous writer.  I think, to a certain degree (please note the italics!!!!) that being a little competitive can help.  I mean, who here needs a push sometimes to make that leap into writing that short story?  Or finishing that novel?  Or querying that magazine?  Or submitting that poem?  Sometimes it can be a little competitiveness that sparks a fire to get you off your rear and DO SOMETHING.

Eh, I bet that blonde kid eats his boogers. Jerk.

HOWEVER.  Don't be a jerk.  Be like a superhero: put your feelings of competitiveness to good use, not evil.  In other words, when my husband comes back from a 5 mile run that was just a little faster than my time and he looks at me and says: "I'm coming to get you," well... this is competition, baby.  Bring it on.